Today, Tinia-the president of the rescue association, HOP or known as Heart of Phoenix rescue sent me this picture...And this picture is the very first image of Freedom when they first got her from the stockyard and the abuse. 

I now understand why she doesn't like her belly being touched, why she behaves the way she does-it's because she doesn't forget. (Look at her belly in this image.)  Freedom remembers everything. She misses her son, she misses it all.

I now understand why she was so vocal the first few days she was here...And in my research it said when a horse bellows the way she did, it was as if they were trying to find another horse who was far away like saying 'Where are you?' but she heard no answer, no reply. Freedom heard no voice of her child.

I think to myself-how horrible it must have been, to be far away from your child, not there to comfort him, not there to cherish and love him-or even be there to lick his wounds and hear his stories. To not be there at the end of the day to be able to ask her own son; 'How was your day?' 

True, horses are different than humans-but I've seen horses interact with each other. They greet members of their herd, they nuzzle, they love, they spend time and even talk or argue with each other. They are a family, a close knit one. I am positive that there will never be a horse's story who has touched me quite like Freedom's, or even Duncan's. 

To those of you who didn't know...Duncan was rescued from a slaughter auction after his original owners abused him-and then he had been seized just in time before he was loaded into the truck to be sent to Mexico and he was taken on by the American Saddlebred Horse Rescue Association where then was adopted by Marlena Whitlatch.

This is her son. He looks just like mommy, no? He's only a yearling and my very  own mother wants to adopt him for her own. I want to adopt him too-because Freedom, wouldn't she be happy to see her son again?

He's young, but yes...It would be a dream to adopt him. But I have one greater dream that would be the icing on the cake of my dreams!

Please pray that my family and I get this dream to come true. If we win the powerball or lottery or somehow get enough money to buy a farm and start a rescue association in which you know-we could rescue animals at and the place would be a No Kill place. 

I would have a nice house, a state of the art barn and a kennel so that smaller animals like dogs, cats can also come and be rescued too! I have always wanted to and still do. Rescuing and starting programs to help others would benefit everyone. (Except the abusers. They shall be given a chance to change...And then if they continue-I'll report them happily.)

But I hope, I wish, and I dream....For this, a better life for us all....

OMG! What a day! I left a bit later than usual for the stables and arrived there to meet Cheryl and her grandson who were both having a blast there, but then I realized...Freedom didn't have her blanket on. I asked Cheryl and she said it probably fell off...I don't believe that honestly. But it could happen. 

ANYWAY....

Today I tried something different. I placed the saddle, saddle pad, girth and a german martingale on the railing and stuffed my pocket with horse treats...(which was a really really bad idea) Freedom could smell it and she is smart and really went after it, being pushy and all for a long while. 

But anyway, I placed the Saddlepad on her and she didn't even flinch now, then the saddle, and then I placed the german martingale on around her neck and tied the snaps onto the stirrup holes so it'd keep the martingale on if she decided to eat. I then tightened the girth on the left side...No probs. I started to tighten it on the right...She didn't really seem too thrilled with it and kept moving.

But anyway....I walked her around, she was fine. Then...I decided to go ahead and let her go free. Freedom decided to use this time to run around and buck and kick up her heels, the stirrups flying everywhere really but that was my plan in the first place. If there was an accident and the stirrups were hitting her belly, then she wouldn't be scared because now my girl could feel for herself that it wasn't gonna hurt her-just tap her.

Well, stupid me. I went a head and placed her on a lunging line and went ahead and tried to lunge her. She took off running....Right. I went back to get her and brought her back and lunged her again this time much more calmly which was alot better than the first time...

This is the rope we had in her mouth for like a bit and she accepted it without hesitation. I was so shocked. She mulled it in her mouth and didn't fight it at all like an unbroke horse would have...Not only that-Freedom let me rub a short whip on her neck and even on her right side! How awesome is that? She didn't even freak.

About a half hour later-I took Freedom with the intent of taking everything off in her stall (And avoiding the cross ties...) But then Cheryl had a great idea. Why not take all the stuff off of Freedom ON the crossties? See how she does with it. 

So I did, latching both sides of the cross ties onto her halter and my lovely pregnant girl stood....quietly...For me...And she didn't move nearly at all as I took off everything and even...Get this...Freedom even let me pick up and clean her feet! I cleaned and scraped out her hoof! I was freaking out now like, IS THIS REALLY MY HORSE?! 

Oh my goodness! What news! I am VERY sorry to say that since last Friday I've been sick and unable to get online long enough to update the blog however I've so much to write down! 

On Friday-my mom and I went to the stables and stayed there for a while and didn't get home until about 5-ish at night when it was dark and I was way too tired to update anything...

Saturday...I was sick. I wanted to stay in bed and sleep but my mom and aunt forced me to come with them and my cousins for a day of shopping! Boy was I so happy to be with them!

We adopted this little beauty at the animal shelter and I named her Angel after the fact she is all black with a tiny white spot on her chest in the shape of an angel wing. And before this however...I bought a headstall, all leather and manmade for 10 bucks at the fleamarket! 10 bucks! I was so happy! The image up above is her wearing it with a nose band I made of nylon rope. I also found there...

THE most beautiful black leather saddle set! A western saddle-just my size! It was all beautiful and untainted black leather, tooled to perfection and covered with silver conchos, comes with a saddlepad, matching black leather tooled headstalls, breast collar and reins. All for 250. You can't get a deal like that...Not even online. I REALLY WANT IT! It'd look sooo good on Freedom!

Today was amazing!

Freedom wore...A...SADDLE. That's right! A SADDLE! TWICE! 

She wore a saddle with and without her blanket on. This one was without which was the second time she wore the saddle WITH the girth! YAHOO! Freedom today even wore the new headstall I bought her at the fleamarket as well!

Freedom was awesome today, only spooking once with the barn dogs but as I let her have fun-my girl decided to CHASE those dogs down herself...Saddle on her back or not! It was almost as if she was like...'Forget the thing on my back! I want those dogs out of here!'

I fed Freedom and Duncan their own individual peppermint sticks from their Christmas stockings (that I painted their names on of course....) 

Also today...Freedom mastered the whoa and walk vocal commands. 8D So happy about that.

Also...Her ribs have filled out and she is looking alot more healthier and happier since she's been fed the pregnant mare supplements and veggie oil! BIG THANKS to Tracey Goforth for her amazing advice, The Foal Club and Frost Fang! All of your advice has gotten her to this now! 

Tomorrow's plans are to get a saddle with stirrups on her and use a halter and lead to drive her perhaps. It won't be easy...But it's something I have to do! 

I must say that there is not much I can say or give hint to on how...interesting and crazy today was except to begin with the bus that was to take me to the transit this morning broke down. Oh yes, it broke down. And to my amazement-the adults onboard didn't seem stressed or grumpy...They made fun of the situation and enjoyed it. Soon, I found myself enjoying it as well. 

Well, today was quite the impressive one! Mom and Dad decided to come with me on the intent of seeing our friends at the barn-but they never came today...So..We worked with Freedom on the saddle pad, getting used to strange people, sounds and the works! 

Today, marks Freedom's FIRST day outside! She really did have a panic fit at first in the outside arena, rearing at the ups truck, the sound of the gate closing and other things but after a while of walking her...She calmed down and began to eat like there was no tomorrow of grass. 

If there wasn't mud in the arena-I would have let her have fun outside but there was that and the remainments of a bon-fire they had on Halloween for their annual spooky stories as well as some other tools I wish wasn't there but that's none of my business. It's their property and I respect it. 

Happy Veteran's Day, everyone! First off, I want to say thank you to all of our heroes-the firefighters, the police, the soldiers and especially the soldiers who defended our country and still do to this day. Thank you, Papaw and all my uncles and family members for serving our country and giving us freedom. 

It's not fair....Today, I was supposed to go to the stables and work with Mar on training Freedom but....My mommy sprained her ankle really really bad and she couldn't walk on it at all today. I stayed home all day because I wanted to take her to the doctor's but well....

Today was CRAZY! Crazy meaning  fun, busy and confusing! I left home with mom and dad to get to the gas station to withdraw dad's paycheck and to place money on his card for getting some things for Freedom and paying for the laundry card too and barely made it to the 9:20 am bus headed to the Downtown KRT bus transit where I caught the 10:15 bus headed to the stables where I arrived about 10:45. (Remember, sometimes the buses are late....Or early. They almost are never really accurate anymore. It takes between an hour to two hours to get to the stables for me.)

I wore 4 layers of clothing, two which were sweatshirts and carried in my backpack a 2 liter Diet Sierra Mist pop, 3 books on horses, how to raise them and how to understand them and of course, my medicine box that contains all of my diabetic supplies and my hearing aid batteries on hand. (where I go, they go.) 

It was crazy, getting onto a bus of lots of rowdy and loud people who needed to get to the local Department of Human Resources which was on the route and getting to the barn and greeting Sandy who was on her morning water patrol of the horses...And I greeted her with a good morning and found that Allie one of the grooms was already picking out the stalls which worried me. She was close to picking out Freedom's stall....

So, I moved Freedom to the arena...(Yes, Freedom gave NO problems coming out of her stall at all! YAY!) and explained that I moved her for safety of both Allie and Freedom and she explained that she was used to it...But I still am not all that comfortable with that. I think Freedom is still in the early stages of being calm and trusting of her new environment-and especially me.

But later on, I placed the western saddle pad and blanket again on the railing of the arena for her to sniff and see while I grabbed my pop and book to read while Sandy and Allie made what they called, a 'hay run' to the feed store. I was so absorbed, seeing Freedom in the sunlight streaming through the fiberglass panels on the roof, eating hay that when I opened my pop......WHOOOSH!

This goes to show that even covered wet on my shirt, pants and face and freezing cold in 29 degree weather in the barn with only 4 layers of clothing on....I love my Freedom too much to care. Well, sure...NOW I can complain because I'm nice, warm and I don't have to worry about her but then...Freedom heard me scream and looked up from her hay like...

'Hey, what happened? Oh....Whatever...' I looked at her with a grin. She was so funny.  

And so I was reading my book for a good hour....Watching Freedom associate with the other horses and according to the book....Freedom was getting quite cocky with the big bad horses behind the stall walls and her being out free in the arena. She stood still as a statue in front of some horses, staring them down and her ears swiveling like there was no tomorrow until either the horse in the stall made a loud noise and she backed off....Or she was satisfied. 

Who knew? So, the hours went by as I worked with Freedom with the saddle pad and blanket and even managed to get the saddle pad on her WITHOUT having to use a lead rope to hold her. My girl accepted it a few times, and even WALKED with me with the thing on! She was so scared but accepted it. I'm so happy. She's working so hard for me! 

Then by 12:45, Mar came in with an odd horse and lunged him and taught me how to use body/hand signals to change pace of lunging and I happily tried my best with it. And then Mar scared me. 

"Go ahead and get your horse and meet me in the arena." 

Wait...What? Um...Okay! So, I got Freedom from her stall again and led her to the arena where Mar quickly taught Freedom to stop when she did and to go when she did-firmly establishing who was the boss. I was amazed how Freedom quickly sought the comfort and leadership of Mar even though I was the one leading Freedom now. 

"She's really smart...." Mar said as she worked with my bay girl. I laughed. I already knew she was REALLY smart. She had the looks, the brains and the heart. What more could anyone ask for in a equine? 

About ten minutes is all it took and Freedom learned the commands with me, stopping when I did-keeping her shoulders and head behind my own shoulder and walked when I walked. 


As I placed her up in her stall for the day and went to the bus stop-it hit me like a brick about what I'D just learned today. 

I learned today with Mar and Freedom that sometimes...You have to push those bounds. You have to cross those lines to get what is needed, the root of the problem and the base of everything done or out of the way for everyone-not just yourself. It's easier to get it out than it is to just side track your life because you don't want to push those lines. But there are right and wrong situations to push those lines. And I realized today...With Freedom, sometimes I'm gonna push her lines and she'll push mine. (Well...She STOMPED on my foot....)

But then I also realized...

Freedom is not my soul mate. She is so very close to my heart and I care for her pretty much as if I would care for my own child-with great concern and worry most of the times, but with alot of love. Duncan is my true soul mate of a horse. He always has been. It's funny how in a dark time...That rescued American Saddlebred gelding saved me by helping me-teaching me it's okay to cry but you've got to still get up and brush the dust off your shoes before you fight back. 

He taught me, never accept being second when you know you can be first. You're too good to hold back your true potential-so why fight what God has given to you? My soul mate...I love him to death even though he has been fustrated so badly the last couple of years he hasn't trusted anyone since I left the stables for a long time due to alot of problems and when I came back...

Duncan was so broken. 

He was so far gone. 

He wasn't the sweet boy who was eager to please anymore. Duncan became cold, distant and he bit hands who fed him treats and tried to comfort him. Ever since his eye socket tore...It was never the same. Never. Not once. He has been there for me for many years and he has heard a thousand tears and prayers from me and bore each one with a gentleness that a non-horse lover would never know. 

Freedom...As sweet and willing as she is-she cannot take his place in my heart. But she will take that place as the one who will never leave my mind. Duncan has claimed my soul and a chunk of my heart and Freedom has claimed the other part of my heart and of course my mind. Without them both...I think I'd die. I think without the two equine friends I care for most....I'd shrivel up in a hole somewhere, drowned in my tears and hide away from the world forever. 

I'd die. 

I wouldn't be able to handle the pain. 

I wouldn't want to either. 

I've had my fair share of pain that most people don't know or experience until they are adults-but I'm only 17. Most kids who haven't even bore a fourth of my suffering have killed themselves long ago. I haven't. I'm still here. I almost died long ago. But for some reason....Something held me back. I felt it...I was MEANT for something. I had a PURPOSE to fulfill and now I cannot help but wonder...Is this it? Am I meant to save the life of a broken mare and her foal? Am I meant to share her story with the world at last?

But is that it? What could it be? I am always wondering and thinking about things like this...I wonder...What kind of past did my equine friends have that make them the way they are? What pain...What pain do they harbor but cannot speak?

What tears do they shed and cannot express? Do they feel pain when we leave them? Do they know love like we do for them? It hurts to imagine it...A world where  you cannot explain what is hurting you, what scares you and what worries you to your friends. It scares me that I might hurt Freedom or Duncan, the very thought of them getting sick or such because of me makes me want to cry....Call it innocence or whatever you like. 


But I care greatly for all my friends and family because it is my belief that no matter what...If you love me-I will love you and you will never be left behind. 

What a day! Took the 2 hour city bus to the stables and arrived there at about 10:35-ish and went to work immediately. I went into Freedom's stall-only to find her really scared and Sandy informed me...